A friendship that dried.

There are lots of quotes about friends.

Friends tell you the ugly truth, not pretty lies.

and

It’s more important to have friends than fans. Fans tell you what you want to hear. Friends tell you the truth.

So, a true friend is meant to say whatever they want to you, at any time, and that’s okay? That’s allowed, it means they care?

What the fuck?

Oh, I get the intention behind these sayings – a true friend steps in when you are royally cocking up your life, and gives you the verbal equivalent of a slap round the face with a fresh mackerel.

But I sometimes wonder if I found the friends who misunderstood this concept. Just a little. Apparently some of my friends think this means they should blurt out whatever thought pops into their heads at the time.

Thoughts such as, after a day spent together,

Right, I’ve had enough of you now. I’ve reached my limit for the day.

Or, when you mention not seeing them much anymore,

Well, it’s difficult making sure I give all of my friends some attention, it’s like having to timetable them in so no one gets left out. I try and fit you in during the mornings.

Or, when you apparently have a habit that annoys them,

God, do you have to do that now. It’s bad enough I had to put up with it all day yesterday.

So, what do we take from this kind of comment?

Clearly, I’m a bloody irritating person to be around. Well, maybe I am. I, like everyone, have my faults. My friends have their faults too.

But here’s the thing. I don’t poke my friends in the eye with theirs. Because – we’re friends, right? So, I like being with them, despite the personality traits that sometimes make me want to  scream. And, I don’t like making them feel like a period – a bloody annoyance and irritation we have to put upon a regular basis.

So, I shut up.

A friendship is much like a relationship. It needs care, and nurturing, and effort. When the time you spend together becomes routine, and the nights out together have become a thing of distant memory; when every call is necessary and no longer just for fun; when gatherings are a duty, and the laughter is about past memories more than new, then is it still a friendship or more of a marriage that has shrivelled and dried?

Do I sound peeved? I am, a little. And hurt? A little. What I mostly feel is tired. Fed up of holding my tongue while being told how awful and rude I am. These aren’t the kind of comments a friend makes – it’s the kind of shit family throws.

I’m fed up of being considered a bloody period.

So from my grouchy, and somewhat grim post, some things that we can be thankful for.

Good times, fond memories and years of laughter.

Friendships that come into our lives briefly, but bring help in times of need.

Friendships that grow from childhood and gain strength like fine wine.

Friends that may not speak for months, but the very next call will be long and easy.

Friendships with understanding – that wax and wane, and still can be refreshed.

And, the many more friends yet to make.

fr

About Piper George

Wife, mother, puppy chaser extraordinaire. Freelance copy-writer and blogger! Life is full of opportunities - it's having the time to grab them that's hard.

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Comments

A friendship that dried. — 28 Comments

  1. Piper, I’ve been on the receiving end of similar behavior. WTF? Is kind of the only thing I could come up with. Seriously.
    Sometimes people change, aren’t meant to be in your life forever. I dunno. I wish I had some profound wisdom, but I really don’t. It all baffles me in this department.
    Always good to find the things to be thankful for, though. Even if life changes, there is some good that remains, no?
    Lisa @ The Meaning of Me recently posted…TToT – In The SilenceMy Profile

    • True – people change, friendships change and the nature of your relationship to each other changes. After so many years, it’s only natural that there is an impact I guess. People baffle me all the time. 🙂

  2. yeah, I am with Lisa. Just because someone has been a friend for a long time doesn’t give them license to abuse me. Just because I want some honesty it is also a sign of wisdom and caring to know when to shut the hell up and not say what does not need to be said.
    ivy recently posted…LIARS, LIARS, PANTS ON FIRE!My Profile

  3. What they said. Time to get a new friend, who is actually there because they enjoy and appreciate you, not out of some overblown sense of their own self, and the MASSIVELY misguided idea that they’re doing you some kind of favour by allowing you to be part of their veryvery busy schedule.

    This post made me punchy. You’re worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

    Let me at ’em!
    Considerer recently posted…Ten Things of Thankful #91My Profile

    • I just hold my tongue, hence my previous post I guess – always coming up with the smart retort inside and never actually saying it! Sometimes I make myself so cross. Thank you for saying Im worth something though. x

  4. No. No. No. There is a difference between being honest and down right rude and they are being rude. That is no way to treat a friend. Who even says that to someone “let me pencil you into my schedule” – WTF? Are you an employee?
    I went through a best friend break up last year for almost the EXACT same reason. Let me tell you, it was the hardest break up I have ever been through but I have been so much happier without her in my life. I don’t have that constant negativity and those put downs…you’re so much better.
    xoxoxo
    Kimberly recently posted…His HeartMy Profile

    • T’is rude. I think our relationship changed from friend to family, and that made the nature of it change as well, so now t’is apparently acceptable to be rude, but not polite to retaliate!

  5. i have a friend who calls herself my honest friend. She’s very blunt and sometimes hurtful when you ask for her opinion. So I stopped asking for her opinion. I know that she doesn’t mean it in a negative way, but our relationship is better when I don’t ask if my outfit makes me look fat. That being said…I’m probably delusional in thinking that it’s kinda sorta even a little okay, because you are SO VERY RIGHT. You (we all) deserve people who aren’t pointing out your flaws and instead lifting up your strengths.
    Quirky Chrissy recently posted…I Believe in Magic. And Kindness. And Courage.My Profile

  6. There is a big difference between being honest with your friends and being downright hurtful. I’m so sorry you were treated this way by someone you considered a friend. You are absolutely right in thinking you’re better off without that person. I love that you still ended your post with gratitude.

  7. Mean people suck. It’s those friends that you can pick up with even if you haven’t seen them for years, that are the keepers. Sometimes a friendship can burn itself out – that’s fine. You sound like you are being a good friend. That one that only fits you in in the morning? That’s not a friend, it’s an acquaintance appointment. She probably tallies her friends to feel popular.
    Valerie Newman recently posted…The SwitchMy Profile

  8. Pingback: A friendship that dried. | The Ten Things of Th...

  9. (If I may)… check the Wakefield Doctrine re: the concept of ‘lashing out’… it is a dynamic found in the relationship/’friendship’ involving a clark and a roger.
    it is remarkable, awful, but, if you’re a clark, then the experience of (other) clarks will be very helpful

    …It’s the rogers who ‘lash out’ at their clarklike friends, they (the rogers) act like it’s totally understandable and, on the rare occasion someone calls them on it, they get all kinds of defensive, as if they were the injured party and, and! if the clark happens to get mad (rarest of all responses) the roger will get all kinds of contrite, explaining how they can’t believe they said that (now, here’s a real clue…this last situation? where the roger begins to ‘apologize’? if you, (the clark) go easy on them, you will witness becoming more and more the victim of some injustice (this lashing out) and they will somehow try to convince everyone that they are due an apology!)

    ask anyone! lol (btw if any of this resonates, here is what will help: ‘it’s them, not you’)
    clark recently posted…TT-o-(synchronici)ty -the Wakefield Doctrine-My Profile

  10. I have always hated those quotes about honesty from friends. Yes, honesty is important in many circumstances, but come on, you’re not supposed to say everything you think whenever you think it! That’s just common decency! That’s manners! I’m so annoyed by your “friends” right now for not getting that, and I am totally on your side!
    Sarah recently posted…TToT: And Now Let’s All Take a Deep BreathMy Profile

    • There are so many silly quotes about everything online, sometimes I wonder if the internet brings us good things, or too much bad. But then I read through all the comments people leave and how wonderful they are, and I think there is more than enough good to counteract any negativity. x

  11. Right I can say the key word that is left off those quotes is, love. True a friend will tell you the truth. The ugly truth even sometimes. But a true friend will also do it in a loving way.

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