Not so long ago I went on a diet, and I lost over 4 stone.
I know – I was so pleased with myself. I felt great, I had a whole new wardrobe of clothes that did not begin with the word baggy or joggers.
And then I put some – a lot – of it back on again.
When I say ‘not so long ago’, I mean 2 years. In 2 years I have put on all the weight I worked so hard to shed. And now I feel as unhealthy and unlovely as I did before, but with added failure.
Tell me why we constantly torture ourselves over how we look. And you can’t really blame models and magazines – because I don’t really read them. I know they are faked and have added photoshopping.
I’m interested in how I, ME, feel, and I feel crappy. So, I am going back on the diet.
Well – not The Diet. Not the Cambridge, that I was on before. Because, although I liked the diet, there were 2 things I didn’t like so much. One was having to go see my consultant every week – because I am BUSY and that’s an hour of talking about fatness I don’t need to waste. Plus, running up to her door, handing over cash and walking away with bags of powder (powdered food, but still, powder) made me feel like I was seeing a dealer.
And 2 – because of going to see my consultant. You know I told you about how people like to share their most personal details with me! Well – when your fat dealer starts spending your hour talking about her divorce, her drunk husband and her new lovers, that’s reaching levels of uncomfortable I don’t need.
But worse, when she starts scheduling appointments for after lunch and being off her face on vodka by the time you get there, and telling you all about her new found, weekend only, just with mates, cocaine habit – it’s time to get away from the oncoming train wreck!
So, I went online, I found a whole new diet that works like Cambridge, in that its meal replacement and low calorie – and you know what? They deliver. No need to see a dealer and no time wasted.
The first few weeks supply turned up and I got started.
So far I have tried vanilla, banana and strawberry shakes. They were actually thick, like a shake is meant to be. The vanilla is quite gopping, but the others – actually bearable.
I’ve tried the vegetable and Thai chicken soups. Honestly, they tasted almost thick and creamy. (You have to use words like almost, because in the back of your mind the food is always ‘fake’ and therefore can never taste like the real thing. It’s not allowed.)
And – they have pancakes.
Perhaps I made mine a little runny. They look . . . Well, crap. But that can be blamed partly on my cooking. They tasted – almost like maple syrup pancakes, but with a weird texture. Not so weird I won’t try them again though!
And this – gloop. This is shepherds pie. Now – close your eyes, eat without looking – and it tastes kinda like shepherds pie. Honest. And the spaghetti bolognese is quite edible too.
So – I owe my dealer a thanks. If it wasn’t for her vodka swilling ways, I’d be heading back to Cambridge. As it is, I found a whole new diet that tastes – quite edible.
Here goes 3 weeks of diet – wish me luck!