A look through jealous eyes.

Dear Sackgirl and Botboy

What you see. 

As you watch your partner walk up to the bar in the crowded pub, you notice the good-looking blond moving towards the rail at the same time. You wonder if each has noticed the other. He moves towards her, at the same time as she chooses to stand next to him. They look into each other’s eyes, and smile. He nods at her, and his lips move. Whatever he says makes her smile. She flicks her hair, batts her lashes and laughs. He laughs in return, and places his hand in the small of her back, almost like a caress. She moves closer, her buttocks rubbing against his thigh. He leans down, closer, and whispers in her ear. They continue to smile and chat, leaning in close to each other, while they are served and collect their drinks. As they walk away, he winks, and she mouths something that looks like “Later”.

What he sees.

He walks to the crowded bar, looking for the thinnest part of the crowd. A girl pushes up next to him, clearly after the same patch. Nice, but nothing like his girlfriend, he thinks. He nods politely and says “Busy tonight”. He wonders whether to have a pint or a shot. Just over there, he thinks he can see an old work mate. The blond stumbles into him as the crowd moves. He instinctively holds her upright with one hand as he rebalances himself. “Sorry”, she mutters. He leans down, the noise of the happy crowd defeaning him. “What?” he asks. “Sorry”, she shouts. “No problem”.

“Lots of people out”, she shouts. “Is there a match on?”

“I don’t know”, he replies. “I hope it calms down later, we’re going clubbing.”

They get served, and move away from the bar.

“Have fun later”, she shouts as she walks away.

What she sees.

She walks to the bar, looking for a place she can squeeze in to the bar. The crows parts and she sees a gap. She wedges a hip on, just as some bloke arrives from the other direction. Being shorter makes it harder to get served when the bar is this busy, it always feels like being caught in a scrum. The scrum shifts and she is jostled, tripping slightly on her heels and elbowing the bloke on her right. “Sorry”, she mutters. He looks at her blankly and mouths something that is lost in the cacophony. “Sorry”, she says again, a little louder. She shifts a little, edging into the space in front of him where there is less jostling, while she tries to catch the eye of the bartender. The man is now slightly behind and to one side. She smiles as she subtly moves further in front.

“Lots of people out”, she shouts over her shoulder. “Is there a match on?”

“I don’t know”, he replies. “I hope it calms down later, we’re going clubbing.”

She’s made it in front and gets served first, although only by seconds. Still, always fun to push in a bit.

They get served, and move away from the bar.

“Have fun later”, she shouts as she walks back to her partner.


Your partner returns to the table, where you greet them with a scowl and a baleful look. You are filled with a feeling of anger and disappointment. Your stomach is churning. You feel ugly and small. The evening, which started with the promise of fun, dancing and good times, will now end in a row, as your sour mood and suspicious glower fill the night with accusations.


J is for Jealousy

Jealousy eats you up inside, until your happiness is shredded, your confidence is lost and your self-esteem is buried under an avalanche of self-loathing. All that time and energy spent hating yourself, watching everyone around you and wondering what it is they have, that you don’t. 

The truth is that no one is watching you because everyone around is caught up in their own life. You imagine that the blond is good-looking while inside they feel ugly. You imagine your partner is chatting up someone else, when they are only thinking of you. Whatever it is you think someone else has that you don’t, they think something you have is better.

Don’t let jealousy consume you. You are amazing.

love mum.

Thanks to Sara and Jill for today’s advice.

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