Dear Sackgirl and Botboy
One day – a long time from now, and not before passing a full background check and completing the secret list of 533 tests compiled by daddy and me – one day someone will tell you they love you.
The world will be filled with sunshine and flowers and snuggly feelings and happiness and you will feel special.
And then some or all of these things will start to happen.
- You will want to live together.
- You might choose a house together.
- You will argue over whether you need a bigger kitchen or a separate playstation room.
- You’ll look at the garden and have visions of playing football, growing your own veg, installing a hot tub, having friends round for BBQ’s and evening meals, sophisticated wine tasting and drunken beer sessions.
- Neither of you will think about who does the weeding.
- You’ll go sofa shopping, without measuring the space in the living room first.
- You’ll walk around Ikea and fill a trolley with kitchen gadgets like melon ballers and rice drainers and avocado pitters and spaghetti measurers so that you can fill a whole drawer in the kitchen with ‘one day’ tools.
- You’ll choose a bed, and go for a cheap mattress because ‘have you seen the price of those things?!’
- You’ll buy fancy wine glasses.
- You’ll both meet up after work in the pub, have late nights with friends and never actually stay home long enough to use your wine glasses.
- You’ll discuss having a baby before it actually happens *stern look from mummy*
- You might get married. (We didn’t do this before babies, so we can’t and won’t tell you to. But it might make us feel a little happier if you do, ok).
- You’ll have babies, if you want them.
- You’ll go buy the more expensive mattress, because babies break backs!
- The separate playstation room is taken over by battery powered swings, mats, cribs, piles of plastic bricks and wooden ride ons.
- You’ll wish you had a bigger kitchen, with more cupboards for the steamer, jars of baby food, plastic plates, plastic cups, plastic knives and forks and spoons and bottles and dummies and things.
- You won’t care about the weeding.
- You’ll wish you had the wipeable leather sofa instead of the stainable cream fabric one.
- You’ll buy dinosaur cutters to go in the ‘one day’ drawer.
- The fancy wine glasses come out because it’s the only grown up thing left.
- They get smashed.
You know what else. You’ll argue. They will frustrate the hell out of you, they will either make mess, or be clean freaks – whatever you are not. But you’ll make up.
When you are tired, they rub your feet. When you are sad, they take you in their arms and make you feel supported. When you succeed, they cheer you on and when you laugh, they laugh too.
When you find someone who does all this for you – then you will have made your own HOME.
And even though you will always have a home here, with me and with daddy, I will love that person too, for making that home with you.
But as the mother-in/out of-law, I still get to tell you what they do wrong, and what they should do better, and point out that your house is messy, cos that’s my job!
P.S. Sharon suggested
The hair on your head will get greyer and thinner, everywhere else it will get darker and thicker.
This is true.
In the words of the magnificent Mary Schmich
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.