**Warning – the following post contains details of doing it doggy style**
You should know that on the morning dog walk there are some ladies who have owned dogs for over 20 years. In fact, some have been responsible for their four legged pals since they were first old enough to climb into the pet basket for a nap.
Still, it’s never to late to find out something new.
We set off on our daily galumph with my sweet innocent baby Beagle puppy frisking along beside me without a care in the world.
Well ok – my 22 month old hormonal young lady was feeling a little out of sorts, being in season and therefore feeling an urge to chomp her way through 5 bars of Wispa and lie on an electric blanket. But that wasn’t going to happen as these dogs must be walked.
So off we set, myself, my friend, and 7 dogs.
One of whom was a boy.
So the conversation went something like this.
Me: She is getting pretty fed up with Bert sniffing her.
Experienced dog owner of over 20 years: Yep, keeping her tail well down and telling him off. She won’t be ready for days.
Me: Besides, he’s been snipped.
EDO: Yep, he couldn’t even if he wanted to.
Me: Couldn’t? I thought the penis was still there, just the balls were gone.
EDO: Nope, I don’t think he can get it up at all now. No hormones left.
Me: I don’t see why not. The equipment is there, there’s just nothing to produce.
** There followed a lengthy debate around the difference between male dog castration and male human vasectomy.**
Me: Still, he is very interested in her.
Me: In fact, he’s getting a bit over enthusiastic for a dog with no hormones.
Me: GET OFF MY DOG
Imagine two slightly larger than necessary and not entirely super fit young women
sprinting loping lolloping across a vast expanse of rolling meadow, pockmarked with ditches, marsh and muddy puddles towards two dogs who were clearly not about to be interrupted in order to heed their masters call . . .
EDO: It should be okay . . .
She grabbed one collar – I grabbed another.
Me: Well, that answered that question!
Interesting fact of the day number 1 – castrated dogs do still have the urge.
Interesting fact of the day number 2 – castrated dogs are still able to insert their penis into a bitch, because when dogs do it, they don’t get erect until penetration has occurred – in fact the initial penetration is due to a bone in the penis called the baculum .
Interesting fact of the day number 3 – when two dogs have finished doing it doggy style (and everything is fully pumped up), they turn their backs on each other, remaining connected in only the most intimate way, and stay bum-to-bum until finished.
Me: So, how long do you think this could take?
EDO: A while.
**Some time later**
Me: So now he’s had it, he is completely ignoring her.
EDO: Yep – typical teenage boy – wham, bam, what a slut!
Me: And typical teenage girl, she’s now poncing around in front of him screeching ‘look at me’.
*Yes, these are entirely valid scientific observations.
Step 1, Girl not interested, boy in pursuit.
Step 2, Girl caves in, penetration occurs.
Step 3, Girl expect relationship, boy no longer interested.
Step 4, Girl starts behaving erratically to attract boys attention.
Yes – at this stage my recently violated little girl maneuvered herself in front of Bert and proceeded to brake – hard – giving him no choice but to mount her from behind in a kind on back end collision. Typically, at this stage the boy was still in recovery time from his previous exertions and was not having any of it.
Step 5, Girl moves off to pastures new, boy suddenly interested again.
So there it is – new lessons learnt, two less virgins in the world and a whole new theory on the nature of the teenage male.
This morning’s science lesson has been brought to you courtesy of the Morning Dog Walk.