I asked the other day when it was ok to stop trying with a relationship, be it with a friend, family or a partner.
After another week of wrestling with this question from a personal point of view, I have decided that this is it. The last stand. The final gesture.
I have not made this decision lightly. I have tried valiantly for months to resurrect a friendship which has grown awkward and inelegant with time, frustration and inconsideration.
I do not for a second think this is one sided, that there is one person to blame, or at fault. I expect both sides in this spat feel as let down as the other. Who knows who threw the first spanner into the cog of our friendship, who was the first to feel dismissed by the other? As the years have gone by, so have numerous little digs and comments that rankled but were put aside, only now to be resurrected in the game of ‘she said, she said’.
However, the time has come to accept defeat. For now.
It is time to settle back, concentrate on other aspects of my life, other friendships old and new. Expand my horizons, branch out.
They say time is a healer. Maybe in time this rift will become repaired. But like a scab it is best to let it heal over rather than to pick at it.
Time out, time for a rest, time for a change.
There is a feeling of relief in making this decision. Sadness too, but relief in giving myself permission to stop feeling responsible. To stop trying.
So the gesture has been made. If it is taken up, then all is not lost.
But if it is not, then I will relax and know that I did at least try.