TTOT – Find some happy in the crappy

So, my posting rate for this year is fairly crappy. I am not quite managing a blog a month, and I’m wondering whether to keep my little place here going at all.

Actually – that’s a story for my whole attitude at the moment. Perhaps it’s time to shut down everything and take a long break.

I know part of my lack of enthusiasm for blogging comes from knowing that some people from RL found their way here. Okay, I knew it would happen, and I know I was very lax in keeping the whole shebang quiet – thanks mainly to Facebook recommending everyone should know everyone in the world.

My sister-in-law now pops in (Hi there) and told a couple of her friends about it (Well, I’m a bit unclear on that one. When she was drunk she said she told them, when she was sober she claimed she didn’t. I’ll assume that with alcohol comes truth.) The point being, I now feel restricted on the things I can write about, which kind of detracts from the point of having my own online space. (The key here is that, if you read it online, don’t talk to me about it in person.)

The year has been kinda crappy from the start anyway – what with the depression, and the ups and downs of living with that. It’s interesting to find out how your friends react when you could do with some time out – including the ‘close’ ones who told me my husband was attention seeking and then were not heard from again.

My cousin – well, my first cousin once removed – just passed away. She was elderly, terminal and all round it was a merciful release. That doesn’t stop it being upsetting, not least because she was my dad’s only relation, immediate family aside, and he is clearly upset. Her husband passed away a few years ago – after having a heart attack at our wedding.

It’s bringing home the fact that we are rapidly becoming the ‘older’ generation. I mean, my mum is losing her eyesight, my dad is on the cards for a double bypass – it’s all getting a little grown up around here!

On the same day she passed away, I scratched the husbands Porsche. You can imagine where his priority was! But then, I guess it’s just one of the many things I just deal with alone.

We’ve spent 6 months working towards getting our own family business through planning – it’s something we are really quite excited about, having control over our own lives. We’ve had objections from neighbours, of course. We’ve also had a lot of enthusiasm from other local businesses, but no one close to us. Really, it’s quite demoralising fighting a constant battle for 6 months, and remaining optimistic about that, on top of everything else. And the fight isn’t over yet.

So, really I feel like the coyote trying to catch the road runner, failing to really achieve any success, and always having to work alone to get anywhere.

Right now I’m feeling the need for time out. No work, no worrying, no treading carefully round everyone else’s feelings … I just don’t see how that’s possible, what with everything that seems to need to be done.

Perhaps it’s time to give up my blog space. Or maybe I need to have my own space, here, more than ever.

But – as aways, it’s important to find some happy in the crappy. So – here goes.

  1. I’ve had some genuine, all new, sought me out customers in the last 2 weeks. Three writing gigs that came to me through no effort on my own part. My reputation is expanding locally, so I have been told, so 6 months of networking and effort are paying off.
  2. I also have 2 regular, and really interesting, monthly clients. So, just another few to go to be assured of a regular monthly income and I can tick off goal 1.
  3. A couple of my articles have been published, and I’ve had some very positive feedback from the clients.
  4. Also, the editor of an international magazine has said he likes my writing style, and we’ve got a few jobs on together. Altogether, pretty excited by work right now.
  5. I’m meeting up with Lizzi Rogers in real life very soon. A proper face to face with a blogger – how exciting, and scary is that! When she realises I’m completely different in person, this could all go horribly wrong. Still – we have set a date!
  6. It’s almost the summer holidays. Whilst we don’t have any adventures planned, it is the end of the school run for 6 weeks. Phew.
  7. Sackgirl and I have been watching some classic films. I know, she’s 10. But Botboy was away so we took advantage to try out Jaws. She was a bit wide eyed in parts.
  8. We also made brownies for the first time – and they taste great. So, I’m going to go eat some now.

Do you ever feel like giving up on the blogging? Or just giving up on life for a while and taking some time out?

chocolate brownies

 

Double Digits and Awesome

Lara Crofts - reindeer rider.

So Sackgirl is hitting double digits this week – the big 1 0. It is a big milestone for her – well, every birthday is a big deal at this age, of course. But it’s a big achievement for me …

Beast – we name you depression.

stick woman carrying a cloudy figuative depression beast on back

There is a beast that brings pain and fear into our lives. It slinks into the corners of our relationship, and lurks in the recesses of our minds. We sense it’s fearsome gaze, unblinking in it’s intensity, hot breath raising …