Ditching my dealer.

Not so long ago I went on a diet, and I lost over 4 stone.


I know – I was so pleased with myself. I felt great, I had a whole new wardrobe of clothes that  did not begin with the word baggy or joggers.

And then I put some – a lot – of it back on again.

When I say ‘not so long ago’, I mean 2 years. In 2 years I have put on all the weight I worked so hard to shed. And now I feel as unhealthy and unlovely as I did before, but with added failure.

Tell me why we constantly torture ourselves over how we look. And you can’t really blame models and magazines – because I don’t really read them. I know they are faked and have added photoshopping.

I’m interested in how I, ME, feel, and I feel crappy. So, I am going back on the diet.

Well – not The Diet. Not the Cambridge, that I was on before. Because, although I liked the diet, there were 2 things I didn’t like so much. One was having to go see my consultant every week – because I am BUSY and that’s an hour of talking about fatness I don’t need to waste. Plus, running up to her door, handing over cash and walking away with bags of powder (powdered food, but still, powder) made me feel like I was seeing a dealer.

And 2 – because of going to see my consultant. You know I told you about how people like to share their most personal details with me! Well – when your fat dealer starts spending your hour talking about her divorce, her drunk husband and her new lovers, that’s reaching levels of uncomfortable I don’t need.

But worse, when she starts scheduling appointments for after lunch and being off her face on vodka by the time you get there, and telling you all about her new found, weekend only, just with mates, cocaine habit – it’s time to get away from the oncoming train wreck!

So, I went online, I found a whole new diet that works like Cambridge, in that its meal replacement and low calorie – and you know what? They deliver. No need to see a dealer and no time wasted.

The first few weeks supply turned up and I got started.

So far I have tried vanilla, banana and strawberry shakes. They were actually thick, like a shake is meant to be. The vanilla is quite gopping, but the others – actually bearable.

I’ve tried the vegetable and Thai chicken soups. Honestly, they tasted almost thick and creamy. (You have to use words like almost, because in the back of your mind the food is always ‘fake’ and therefore can never taste like the real thing. It’s not allowed.)

And – they have pancakes.

Exante Maple Syrup pancakes

Maple syrup pancakes

Perhaps I made mine a little runny. They look . . . Well, crap. But that can be blamed partly on my cooking. They tasted – almost like maple syrup pancakes, but with a weird texture. Not so weird I won’t try them again though!

And this – gloop. This is shepherds pie. Now – close your eyes, eat without looking – and it tastes kinda like shepherds pie. Honest. And the spaghetti bolognese is quite edible too.

Exante Shepherds pie

Before and after cooking.

So – I owe my dealer a thanks. If it wasn’t for her vodka swilling ways, I’d be heading back to Cambridge. As it is, I found a whole new diet that tastes – quite edible.

Here goes 3 weeks of diet – wish me luck!

What is wrong with my face?

Just Back Away, Slowly!

Ever since I was young people have told me completely inappropriate things about their lives. Seriously, complete strangers come up to chat with me about personal and intimate details of their private history that really should only be shared with a …

TTOT – What not to say!

High Risk area

In those situations where I don’t have an appropriate response, my mouth takes control of my brain. Take, for example, the time my boss told me that her much loved, prized cat had died. My boss doted on that cat. She adored that cat. …

A little lingerie


Just about 3 weeks ago Mr G and I embarked on our usual circling discussion of what he should get me for my birthday. He believes I should tell him what I want and I really hate to do that, …

4 year old waggling rules!

Such an innocent face.

Everyone with a little boy has had to decide at some point what to tell them about fiddling with their manhood. Being proud of their willy is just a built in thing. We have already had the moment the wee …

48 hours in Bruges


Last week – or was it two weeks ago? How time is flying right now! – I drove halfway to my mums house to hand over the kids. It has become a regular summer thing – the kids get a …